Tuesday, 8 May 2012

The Mayonnaise Problem

Having moved to Zurich it would seem whilst giving up old bad habits due to geography I have developed new ones. Lets say that I like most Paddies had tendency to overuse the old spreadable deliciousness that is Irish Butter. Not a problem here however as Swiss butter is more akin to tasteless smeg and has not become a staple in our refrigerator. Huzzah! The flip-side of this is mayonnaise on the continent is so delectable that I am developing a slight addiction. Husband's tearing of a piece of bread and handing it to me sees me reaching into the fridge to pour a dollop of my Thomy mayonnaise on top (that's all I need) and scoffing it down. Sometimes I even just pour a little on a spoon and swallow. I've stopped looking at Husband now whenever I do this but I can feel his eyes piercing the back of my skull with judgement. I don't care.

It's a slippery slope though, I envision my future one where I begin purchasing industrial size tubs of the stuff and eating it with my hand. The weight will pile on, I'll start wearing muumuus, I won't be able to see my penis anymore and I'll cry all the time because I can no longer fit through the door frame. Ok seriously, this now needs to stop!

Tastes like failure, yum


  1. dont forget to wash yourself with a rag on a stick.

  2. Absolutely hilarious!