I'm at a loss for words, a loss for words to fill this wee Blog of mine with. I honestly don't know what to do or how to proceed with this, with Ginger Blog Man any more.
My Blog was a place for me to come to be happy-go-lucky, to be silly and write funny stories about my integration to Swiss society. Yet now that I'm here, now integrated, I feel that continuing this tone is not an accurate representation of who I am any more. Life has really and truly has caught back up to me after my sabbatical in all its wondrous and difficult glory. My time is limited and I want to utilise it to the best of my ability. I know I want to continue to write because that is what I love but I am beginning to wonder if this Blog in it's current form is the right fit for me now.
Born from a desire to change my career direction and gain some hands on experience of this social online world, I created GBM almost 9 months ago and the decisions made about how I promoted it and who I allowed access just don't seem to fit anymore. I crave anonymity, crave the shadows so I can write my truth, the happy, the sad, the fears, the love, the anxiety. With great pain comes great creativity and my creative juices have been flowing lately.
Trouble is I am not sure what I want, if I am looking for a forum to write about any anxiety I am feeling, does it make more sense to keep a diary rather than air it publicly for all to read? This then brings me back to the issue of time again, I have less free time than I use to and time is so precious to me at the moment (though you wouldn't know that from seeing me laze about the house during the Christmas holiday period). With time being so precious I've been truly internalising what exactly I love to write about and when I genuinely walk away from a post feeling quite proud. Music is always what comes out on top, I really feel like I have something to say, something eloquent when I touch on this beloved subject matter. Do I focus on this then?
Then there's the problem of letting go, I am really proud of this Blog and I don't just want it to disappear either. If anything it is a collection of my memories, my accomplishments and the space I met so many great and wonderful people. My fellow Bloggers, my Blog friends, coming into this world I really and truly did not expect to be so pleasantly surprised by this thing called the Blogosphere. When deciding to be quite open about my sexuality when writing online, I initially began to wonder if I would experience any form of hate because of my openness. Truth is, in my 9 months I never experienced one negative comment but what surprised me and what I did not expect was how much love and encouragement there was out here in this little online world. All of you guys have truly made this experience for me and I just wanted to thank you all, for sharing your worlds with me and for joining me, on my ride.
So I guess, I am still undecided at the moment. A lot to give up, if I do leave this world or start from scratch. Blog friends, Becca, Mynx, Pikelope, J. Day, Hey There Monkey Butt and all the rest of you guys, if you have any advise or thoughts I would really appreciate it at the moment. If any of you have been through something similar please, send me an email. I think it would really help me figure out where exactly I should go from here.
Thanks a mill guys.
GBM
