Man-Boy vs. Logic: Vol 3 or The Unlabelled Suspect White Powder in my Suitcase

So this was in my Suitcase

After being in Ireland for 8 days I was joined by Husband last Friday. Conversation below is from Monday when we were packing our suitcase to head back to Zurich.

Husband picks up the offending article above.

Husband: 'Eh hun, what's this about?'

GBM: 'It's my protein shake powder'

Silly Husband, I told him I've started taking protein shakes for training. It must be his forgetums acting up again.

Husband: 'No I know what it is, I mean what part of you thought this was a good idea?'

GBM: 'Granted I didn't use as much as I envisaged but my intentions were in the right place.'

Husband looks at me and shakes his head.

Husband: 'No hun, what part of you thought that having an unlabelled suspect white powder in your suitcase was a good idea?'

I stare at him, mouth opened with an 'I didn't think of that' look on my face.

GBM: 'Eh...er.....em'

Husband: 'Sweetie?'

GBM: The part of me that is obsessed with Disney movies and My Little Pony* didn't think about this, the part of me that thinks everyone is good and that of course a lunch box of white powder is clearly protein shake mixture and not drugs! Shit, what if I get stopped by customs?'

Husband: 'It will be fine, they will just test the substance but it's a lot of unwanted hassle'

I bang my head against the wall.

Husband: 'In future though just no, in fact I'm packing your suitcase next time'

I didn't get stopped in the end and all was good in the enchanted world of my innocent view point but you live and you learn.

Husband Logic 3 : Man-boy 0

*I'm talking about the 2010 reboot 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic' and before you make fun, I dare you to watch a few episodes and not love. Bronies forever!

GBM

A Fridge too Far?

I did it again!

So since moving over and into our new flat in Zurich there has been something that has been causing me great difficulty. It's never been an issue for me until now. I really am struggling to understand what has come over me all of a sudden. I keep on leaving the fridge............well open, slightly ajar, sans bush in the gap.

This new forgetum is causing Husband and our relationship nothing but heartache. He looks at me with sad eyes and tells me I've done it again. Tells me that he's truly worried I may have early onset alzheimer's. I worry if I have suddenly developed brain damage after all the selfabuse over the years, all the binge drinking sessions of my college years, all the drunken tumbles, tussles and head-butts, all the recent head rushes, all the knocks and bumps my clumsy, carelessness has caused to my head. After the 45th time of having to close the fridge after I've been raiding it, he'll say things like:

Husband: 'Now I am not attacking you but you did it again! Look I don't mean to harp on at you but this is probably one of the more silly habits you've picked up during our time together. What's going to happen when you leave it open for a whole day? Sort it out.'

This is normally met by another look of 'I'm sorry' and zero response from me as I've never been able to come up with a good reason as to why this keeps happening. I've literally not a single retort as this situation is beyond stupid.

No response that is, until now.

So Husband, let me explain why I think I keep leaving the fridge open. After careful analysis of the door and the flashing back to fridges of yore (unintentional rhyming) I've managed to deduce the following two hypotheses:

A: All fridges in Switzerland are dicks

or

B: This particular fridge is a dick

I think the correct answer is the latter but as I've yet to test out my theory on an alternative fridges in the region, I am not in a position to rule out the former hypothesis. Now for the science part.

I've been thinking about all previous relationships with fridges over the years they all had a commonality that this current purveyor of cold does not. All other fridges I've had over the years will close if you just push the door ever so slightly. Also most have automatically closed when the door is more closed than open (maybe this is because of torque or moments of inertia or some other crap. God damn it, why did I not pay attention in Science class) and finally some will even close if you let go of their handles.

Therefore I can only assume that this fridge is out to get me and drive a wedge between us as it does none of the above. It is fucking with my already perceived fridge mentality and my brain did not adjust to it's ways so fast. I know now that you literally must close the door fully, as in hand on handle until placed against interior wall which leads to my second conclusion in that the magnets on the door edges are also assmonkeys like the fridge and are not capable of the job at hand.

So you see? It's not me, it is the fridge.

Asshole!

So forgiven then?

Love you loads.

GBM    

Swiss-German-Irishisms

Da Fook?!?

This week saw the arrival of old friend of mine from college. She moved over to Zurich with her work too, just like Husband. She is also a fellow Blogger, check her stuff out here.

So we got together, we got silly, we drank all the alcohol ever and decided to invent a new language which basically amalgamates our usual Irishisms with our very basic knowledge of German.

'Grand Job' became 'Grand Arbeit'.

'Lovely Hurling' evolved to 'Schon Hurling'

'Howaya Horse' transitioned to 'Howya Pferd'

And my personal favorite 'Haben Sie der Shift letzte Nacht? which of course is 'Did you get the shift last night?

I'm feeling it will definitely catch on, what do y'all think?

Now if I can only figure out how to say 'Where shall I put the donkey?' then I will be sorted.

GBM

Busy busy busy

Okay so I have spent the morning writing something that I am kinda proud of but it won't go up here, more on this soon.

In the meantime whilst we wait lets take a look at those lovable clowns of the internet to tide us over till then............

GBM

Drunk Guys Sings 'Kiss from a Rose' to his Cat and Uploads Video to YouTube

We've all been there though haven't we?

Really?

Maybe?


Er um, no, never.

GBM

Fashion Ninja Socks

Fashion Ninja Socks to make it look like you are in fact not wearing any socks. Fashion can be clever. This means my Espadrilles and Plimsoles won't smell like a builders ball-sack (spell check has advised me ball-sack should be hyphenated, why thank you).

Thank you Fashion, moreover thank you Penny's for making Fashion Ninja Socks for only €1.50. Awesome.

Maybe I am becoming a Hipster?

Where did they go?

GBM

A Man-Boy and his Box

So Husband and I were awoken in the early hours with the arrival of a package (seriously Swiss postal service do you know what is a respectable time to call to someone's door?).

Giant Box

It was the ultra cool and stylish stools we had ordered for our breakfast bar, they had arrived. Husband was so giddy with excitement.

Plush, yes?

Husband then left for work, he was actually away with work outside of Zurich for the day so I knew I was pretty much alone until about seven o clock today. Once I had my usual chores done and probably because I knew I was unlikely to be disturbed, this happened: 

Wouldn't you?

Which lead to this:

Captain, raise the mizzen mast! 

Became this::

I'm a 1920's Gangster, see.

Evolved to this:

I'm The Doctor and this is my TARDIS, it's bigger on the inside.

And finally:

No way, she never? (might have run out of ideas for play by this stage).

Oh dear, well after a day like today it's become abundantly clear that I probably need to get out more and start making some friends here in Zurich.

Fun though.

GBM

Bug Lessons

So last Friday was the hottest day of the year so far in Zurich with temperatures soaring above 30 degrees (perfect temperature for me, can't handle too much heat, I am a ginger after all). On the day in question however I didn't manage to really get out and enjoy it as I was doing some unpaid work and I needed internet access (as usual).  So on the hottest day of the year I pretty much spent most of the day online and inside our apartment. Naturally enough indoors was making me as hot and sweaty as a bikram yoga studio so I decided to open all the windows in the apartment.

Ahhhh, it was nice to feel a breeze in me nethers whilst I looked at Lolcats and other important intermemes for the day (actually did do work, totes truthing). When one is interfacing with one's Mac Book Pro and the interweb one can become oblivious to all ones surroundings. We merged to became a higher being during that time and it was like my laptop became a further extension of my beer gut.

I have excellent work posture

Some six hours later Husband arrives home after his long day in real outside of the apartment work. Naturally I was there ready to greet him with freshly baked goods and other expected house husbandry (lies, I had actually been on Facebook and Twitter for the few hours before he arrived home). Husband notes the fact that I had every window in the house opened.

GBM: 'I was warm and I had loads to do today'


This was truth, we exchanged our usual pleasantries however I could see that something was not sitting quite right with him, his brow was furrowed and he seemed a bit distracted.

The Gif of Visualisation



Husband: 'Hun, did you really need all the windows opened?'


GBM: 'Eh, told you I was warm' 


Husband: 'But there are bugs and insects everywhere'


I stay glued to my laptop screen

GBM: 'Really? I hadn't noticed'


Husband: 'Haven't you ever lived on the continent before?'


I looked at him, he knows I have not.

Husband: 'Right I know, you haven't, listen it's not like Ireland, the house can get infested with bugs if you leave windows opened all day in hot weather'


GBM: 'But the heat?'


Husband: 'You need to create a draft, open a window at either end of the apartment to allow the air and insects to flow through'


Well this seemed like an incredibly logical and ingenious solution, no wonder I hadn't thought of it. I look at him with sad eyes

GBM: 'I'm sorry'


Husband: 'It's alright hun, just remember next time'


At that moment his forgiveness seemed genuine but as the night progressed and with each new bug he had to squish I could feel him getting more frustrated, I kept looking at him apologetically with each tiny death.  It was the ones that made a loud crunch sound that seemed to piss him off the most. It was at that point I decided I would form an attack on the problem first thing in the morning as soon as there was natural light (you couldn't really see the bastards in the dark). I would get up and very dramatically kill every last one of our unwanted visitors, Husband would be so proud of me and we could move past this minor mishap.

My overdramatic response

Alas my getup might have been slightly premature as when I entered the living room I was greeted with the sight of our infestation lying in a heap on the floor. The majority had died overnight. Oh well no harm, no foul, I guess. We swept up the remains and dustpanned them into the bin.

Sorry Husband, I hope you know it won't happen again, this is one Ginger Blog Man that now knows how and why he should always create a draft.

My bad.

GBM

And an Udder Thing

Husband and I were in Paris for the weekend, post coming soon once I pull the finger out and compose some thoughts on the break but in the meantime I thought I'd share this picture of the cup holders on the TGV. So what do you think, I think, these look like? Hmmm?

And the noble prize for literature goes to........