You Know You're Getting Old When

It would appear I haven't really learned my lesson about the whole bug situation here. In my defense I really didn't think they were so quick to seize an opportunity and so organised, a veritable Mafiosi of an infestation. Let me explain.

I bought Husband a new Xbox game (Metal Gear Solid HD collection) for our manniversary, it fills him with boyhood glee. The other night after we watched a movie, there was about half an hour before we needed to go bed (I need my 7 hours or I'm like a demon) so I turned to Husband a told him he could play away for and bit. I wander into the bedroom turn on the lamp at my bedside and start interneting away for the duration. The window was open. Half an hour, I only had the light on with the window opened for half an hour but that was all the bastards needed. When I finally managed to unglue my face from my laptop screen after 30 minutes of doing nothing on Twitter, the entire area around the bedside lamp was swarmed with bugs. Right next to my pillow. 

We both quickly grabbed some kitchen roll and began the insect massacre. I even managed to decimate a rather large Mayfly right on top on my laptop (which reminds me, laptop needs a wash). After we were done I couldn't shake the feeling that we missed a few.

That night neither of us could get to sleep straight away, first of all it is starting to get hot so that does not make for easy sleepage. For me also I was itchy all over, I felt there were bugs crawling all over me, it was horrifying. 

Dramatic Reenactment

Husband couldn't quite put his finger on why he couldn't sleep (possibly because there was a twitchy GBM flailing about beside him). He did have something on his mind.

Husband: 'I think if we got that Dyson vacuum and that floor fan that would solve all our problems'

GBM: 'I'm sorry, what now?' (thinking I've just swallowed one)

Husband: 'That we saw in Media Mart, with the fan you won't need to leave the windows opened and if we ever do get infested again the Dyson can dispose of the slaughtered'

GBM: 'I think I might actually love you mor........oh my God somethings crawling on my head'

We've come for your
overpriced earrings

Today off I went to Sihlcity (big shopping centre in Zurich that looks like an alien mother-ship). You know you are getting old when you are elated by the purchase of a vacuum and a fan. Dear God when did I become this person? I blame you Husband. Before I met you I had never even set foot in the home-wares section of any shop. Now I long for trips to IKEA so we can finally get those curtains and Florts that we had been thinking about (Husband won't let me actually get a Flort, come on now what's not to love about a remote control holder, Husband: 'they're tacky'). This little purchase however does mean we will have to take it easy this month. Dysons and cold air do not come cheap. We purchased the Dyson Digital Slim, oooh wall mountable and detaches into a handheld vacuum, homemaker orgasm.

I've decided to name my new fan Ryan Gosling because it's effortlessly cool. The Dyson was a tricky one, all the names I could think of were innuendo alluding to it's ability to suck. Seeing how my mother reads this Blog (Hi Ma!) in the end I decided to name it Trevor, there no offense caused (unless your name is Trevor and you suck).

We'll be so happy together, I promise

Welcome to the family Trevor and Ryan Gosling.

GBM

Bug Lessons

So last Friday was the hottest day of the year so far in Zurich with temperatures soaring above 30 degrees (perfect temperature for me, can't handle too much heat, I am a ginger after all). On the day in question however I didn't manage to really get out and enjoy it as I was doing some unpaid work and I needed internet access (as usual).  So on the hottest day of the year I pretty much spent most of the day online and inside our apartment. Naturally enough indoors was making me as hot and sweaty as a bikram yoga studio so I decided to open all the windows in the apartment.

Ahhhh, it was nice to feel a breeze in me nethers whilst I looked at Lolcats and other important intermemes for the day (actually did do work, totes truthing). When one is interfacing with one's Mac Book Pro and the interweb one can become oblivious to all ones surroundings. We merged to became a higher being during that time and it was like my laptop became a further extension of my beer gut.

I have excellent work posture

Some six hours later Husband arrives home after his long day in real outside of the apartment work. Naturally I was there ready to greet him with freshly baked goods and other expected house husbandry (lies, I had actually been on Facebook and Twitter for the few hours before he arrived home). Husband notes the fact that I had every window in the house opened.

GBM: 'I was warm and I had loads to do today'


This was truth, we exchanged our usual pleasantries however I could see that something was not sitting quite right with him, his brow was furrowed and he seemed a bit distracted.

The Gif of Visualisation



Husband: 'Hun, did you really need all the windows opened?'


GBM: 'Eh, told you I was warm' 


Husband: 'But there are bugs and insects everywhere'


I stay glued to my laptop screen

GBM: 'Really? I hadn't noticed'


Husband: 'Haven't you ever lived on the continent before?'


I looked at him, he knows I have not.

Husband: 'Right I know, you haven't, listen it's not like Ireland, the house can get infested with bugs if you leave windows opened all day in hot weather'


GBM: 'But the heat?'


Husband: 'You need to create a draft, open a window at either end of the apartment to allow the air and insects to flow through'


Well this seemed like an incredibly logical and ingenious solution, no wonder I hadn't thought of it. I look at him with sad eyes

GBM: 'I'm sorry'


Husband: 'It's alright hun, just remember next time'


At that moment his forgiveness seemed genuine but as the night progressed and with each new bug he had to squish I could feel him getting more frustrated, I kept looking at him apologetically with each tiny death.  It was the ones that made a loud crunch sound that seemed to piss him off the most. It was at that point I decided I would form an attack on the problem first thing in the morning as soon as there was natural light (you couldn't really see the bastards in the dark). I would get up and very dramatically kill every last one of our unwanted visitors, Husband would be so proud of me and we could move past this minor mishap.

My overdramatic response

Alas my getup might have been slightly premature as when I entered the living room I was greeted with the sight of our infestation lying in a heap on the floor. The majority had died overnight. Oh well no harm, no foul, I guess. We swept up the remains and dustpanned them into the bin.

Sorry Husband, I hope you know it won't happen again, this is one Ginger Blog Man that now knows how and why he should always create a draft.

My bad.

GBM